Or The Scottish Cup Trail Explained
Or Travels with my Rant!
Sundays Scotsman newspaper had an article entitled “How to become a comic adventurer” which was both amusing and familiar. The article was mainly about Dave Gorman’s new adventure in the US where he is planning to travel around the US avoiding giving any cash to franchise corporations and buying everything from “independent” stores, petrol stations and hotels. He is also renowned for his “Googlewhack” (I won’t explain it, but if you haven’t seen it, it is an insight into the obsessive/compulsive/stubborn – call it what you want – mind). It also highlighted other individuals such as Danny Wallace and Tony Hawks, who also set themselves tasks which were both ridiculous and compulsive – you see where I am going with this?
Danny Wallace is known for his “Join Me” Cult and his “Yes Man” book in which he decided to answer Yes to every question he was asked for six months to see where it would take him. Tony Hawkes wrote a book called “Round Ireland with a fridge” in which – no prizes here for guessing – he travelled around Ireland with a fridge to win a £100 bet.
The Cup Trail, though less lucrative, and I’m sure – funny, fits quite nicely into the category described in the article. It’s a compulsive thing and the real adventure is that for a certain moment you never quite know where you are going and what will develop, and to coin Tyler Durden’s philosophy “you have to just let the chips fall where they lie!”
The article proclaims ” The appeal of all these people is that they do things many of us idly talk about to friends but would never have the time or the obsessive streak actually to carry out. They are also, arguably, the adventurers who define the times we live in. When every part of the earth has already been conquered, even serious quests seem faintly pointless (third person to climb Everest without oxygen etc). Knowingly silly adventures have a peculiar integrity to them – they’re an act of rebellion against conventional notions of heroism, and perhaps the ultimate example of making ones own, enriching entertainment in a consumer culture that spoonfeeds us trash. If you can get a bestselling book out of it, all the better.”
I kinda like some of that. And not because it makes the Cup Trail look like some sort of attempt to retrace Scott footprints across the Antarctic or to follow Tenzing and Hilary up Everest, in particular I like the bit about making your entertainment in a totally random manner. And lets face it, it puts some (not much I’ll grant you coz I’ve had a few comps on the way) dosh back into the game which would otherwise go elsewhere.
So I thought, if you read through the various postings already displayed, it might not be entirely apparent what I am doing here. So, here are the basic rules for Following the Scottish Cup Trail.
First Rule of the Scottish Cup Trail, you do not talk about………….Na only kidding there!
Firstly, in advance of the First Round proper draw for the Scottish Cup, which now has Junior teams playing in it, bribe your mates into coming along with you to the games. This usually fails, or is successful until the first match and then expect the call offs to come flooding in. Then, all you have to do is wait for the draw to be made, and determine where the nearest home game is to you. This is your first game. I am open to suggestions on ways of making it more random/entertaining i.e. the first home team drawn with the same first initial as your porn name (I’m sure you all know your porn name, first pet and mothers maiden name).
Now it’s easy from here on in cos you are now following random!
Follow the winning team (not necessarily supporting them, but you can if you chose to) as they go into the pot and listen nervously for your next fixture. And so on and so on until Hampden and the final in May. A wee tip here, if you get a draw which means a trip to Fir Park, I wouldn’t book a train ticket until about 7.15 on match night!
Bonus points are awarded for avoiding the Old Firm, and double bonus points for avoiding the Old Firm at home. Nothing against the Old Firm, I have supported them both in my time – you don’t want to know, honest! – but the thrill of the Cup Trail is absolutely and categorically in watching the smaller teams progress. I have been very fortunate this year, and just to recap, here are my fixtures to date:
Glasgow University FC v Buckie Thistle
Buckie Thistle v Nairn County
Greenock Morton v Buckie Thistle
Greenock Morton v Gretna
Gretna v Greenock Morton (replay)
Greenock Morton v Queen of the South
and coming soon….. Queen of the South v Motherwell or Dundee
So, all of you couch potatoes out there, get up off your arses and do it. I’d love to hear from anyone else who has done or is doing the Cup Trail, whatever version, and if anyone is thinking of doing it next year, get it organised early, and who knows, we could have match reports and funnies from ALL the Cup Trailers as they wind their weary way from different starting points to end up at Hampden. And you know, if a couple of hundred of us do it and get there, those “songs” that embarrass our national stadium that we know and hate so much on Cup Final day, may just sound a little quieter.
Why not “Join me” as Danny Wallace once said?
Fiery Jack
